Virtual Memorial

The NAFF Virtual Memorial was created to honor those who passed away, were taken from our lives, or were otherwise harmed, to our knowledge, as a direct result of mind control, torture, and/or forced enslavement.  All rights are retained by the authors and artists.  

If you are a trauma survivor viewing this web page for the first time, please consider asking a support person to look at it with you.  Some expressions on this page may be intense. 

Letter from a Survivor - 12/28/00

I want to honor children and adults who were harmed during inhumane experiments in Nazi concentration camps, the black men who were tricked and harmed during US sponsored Tuskegee syphilis medical experiments, and the children who were experimented on during the CIA's MKULTRA and other "mind control" experiments.  

I want to honor these three groups of victims because they all deserved to be protected from harm by the very people who hurt them.  They weren't honored when they were being betrayed and hurt, but they can be honored now.  My heart goes out to each and every one of you who has survived to tell your story.  I will be praying for you, every day, that my higher power will give you strength and the help you need every day, to survive and heal.

I would like to honor my father who was murdered by my mother and other cult members for trying to get out of the multigenerational cult we were born in.  I would like to thank him; because of him my healing started.  I have spent the last 15 years continuing to break the cycle that had passed down to my children.   I have a heart locket with his picture in it, that I wear next to my heart as a remembrance of him and my love for him.  I would like to honor and remember my unborn children who had to die and be sacrificed, and the child who was murdered by the cult making it look like a miscarriage to the world.  Also, I want to honor my 3 live adult children who were born into the cult and I pray that they will be able to someday break free and that I live to see it!!!  God Bless them all, and continue to help me to heal and be an example to all survivor who choose to heal, and to my children.

Sincerely,

Stormi CloudDancer

For My Lost Ones
by Emily, RA survivor 

The Tiny Precious Siblings
Lived not a day
Outside the womb

Glowing in Heaven's
Loving Light
Forever
Now they Bloom

In Memory of Winifred Dobbs
by Kathy Kasten

A life started in a woman's body, already tampered with
from its conceptualization.
Born to face someone's idea of "life", not the idea born
inside the mind of the child.
A female, girl, young woman meant as somebody's
science project.
The child subjected to tampering, fought back against
all odds.
The child grew up loving the Fourth of July, loving freedom
to be.
To be whatever they wanted, but never allowed to live out
the idea.
In her last breath, a silent cry went out, "now I am free"! 

Mourning Has Broken
by Leilah el Khalil Zendavesta

Wings now flapping high
the mourner's flame blown out.  My
grief weighed more than I

For Robin McCauley

In honor of Sarah and all the other inner ones, so very flawed, so very caring. So soon taken from us. mbl.

Painted from imagination by mbl. 

(The story of Robin, a ritual abuse survivor, can be found at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/
1587213648/qid=1104589460/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-5339572-1410510?v=glance&s=books)

I Sent Them Away
©mbl

They came as in night 
to take you.
I sent them away.

They came at noon
     At dawn
     At Candlemas
     At Walpurgisnacht
     On Christmas and Easter too.

Silhouetted by fire
On hillside night they came to take you.
I sent them away.

In chant and rite
In midnight fear
In sacrilege and lie
     The seducers came
     Profaning the name
     By which you live
They came to take you.
I sent them away.

On haunting wind
     Of shadowed dream
     Across an ocean stunned by sleep
     In every thought of every day
They came to take you.
I sent them away.

This is dedicated to the victims I could not help. Men, women and children.  I escaped, but I carry them in my mind.  Everlasting.  Someday they will be at peace.  I will pray for them.  D.

Nobody Believes

Nobody believes
Pain, torture and humiliation
It couldn't happen to you
Nobody believes

Children, teenagers, adults
Stripped of everything
Treated like animals
Nobody believes

Your story is not true
You are insane, sick
Don't talk like that
Nobody believes

The stories are true, I scream!
Families shattered, children lost
The monster that used until death came
The skeletons unburied

My life shattered, unbearable
I grieve for the many, and the few
They come to me, in the night
You survived, make them hear

Still nobody believes
But me!

For my strong daughter 

There are things I still
need to say
even though I fear
that you will retaliate 
and try to hurt me
again
after you read this

And yet 
I cannot let hope go
because love never 
stops hoping

I will not allow
my fear of your retaliation
to prevent me from communicating
to you
one more time
while I still can
that I love you
with all the love 
in my mother-heart
I always have
I always will

I do not know how you stand
the pain
of choosing to hold onto
the truly false belief  
that I never loved you
and that I do not love you
now

I do not understand 
perhaps because I'm really 
stupid or blind
about why you continue
to target me
with so much anger

I know what that kind of
black rage does
because it nearly killed me
before I freed myself from it

I worry that
as long as you 
judge your birth mother 
and me 
and lump us together
so harshly

I worry that 
as long as you 
refuse to forgive our humanity
you will not be able to forgive
your humanity
and we deserve
and you deserve
so much better
than that

I fear that as long 
as you choose to cling 
to the dangerous sadistic rage
that you were taught is sublime 
that it will keep you 
from enjoying all that is so good
and marvelous in this lifetime

I worry that
you hold onto the blackness
because 
you still do not understand
what life was like
for your birth mother
I do understand
I was there

I need you to consider
that perhaps because she was a victim
of great cruelty
that she may have believed
your life would be better 
with me
and perhaps giving her precious
baby to be raised by 
another woman 
was her greatest
most self-sacrificing gift
that any mother can make

I cannot change 
who ended up raising you
You'll have to take that issue up
directly
with your higher power
and ask "why" 

I had no control then
and I have no control now
In fact 
I have resigned 
from the position
of maternal punching bag
it's your higher power's turn
to get beaten up
for that turn of events

I cannot change the past
I cannot change that 
when I took you into my arms
and took you to your new home 
I was still suffering
from deep depression and grief
and yes, I acted crazy
from that moment on

Looking back, I believe 
I was probably certifiable 
that's how terrified I was
I had lost my baby in such a brutal 
and soul-tearing way
and I could not bear to lose you
that way too

So no, I cannot change 
the fact that
I was not a consistent 
or kind or calm 
substitute mother
and yes, you certainly deserved better
and so did I

So I resign from the position
of maternal punching bag
because beating myself up 
and blaming myself
and accepting your beatings
and your incessant blame
for what I was not
and for what I could have done
but didn't 
does no good at all

Blaming myself and 
accepting your blame
only keeps me locked
into a past 
that is long gone

Blame and choosing 
not to forgive
not to let go
not to give myself grace
keeps me from making peace
with the present
keeps me from
loving myself
and honoring myself
for who I have since become

So today, I write a new chapter
in my life
I choose to extend grace
and I choose to forgive
myself
for what I "should have" done 
and didn't
and "shouldn't have" done 
and did 

No need to recount
my past failings again
before this act is complete
we both know them by heart

They're probably  
written somewhere
in stone 
by now

Instead, to get on
with my personal healing
I am choosing to trust
our God 
or Goddess or Universe 
or Pantheon 
or whatever
to prove to you
that you have always been loved
and cared about
and to divinely prove to you
that the love that is for you 
isn't about
what you do
or not
nor is it about 
what you permit to be done to you
(when you truly have a choice)
or not

I am officially posting this request
to the universe
today
October 31 2009
that even if love finds you 
in the pits of hell at midnight
where such love can equally thrive
in our hearts
because this love does not fear
our worst darkness
and still loves us even then

I request
that you be shown
completely without my input
how perfectly and completely
you are loved
even when you choose to 
do your absolute worst, 
whatever that may be.

I am officially asking
that you be shown a quality of love
that is much better than
any I could ever give you
because this quality of love
is completely pure
and totally unselfish
and forever accepting
and will never betray you
and will always be the same
pure and healthy
welcoming and soft
enduring and lasting
strong and protecting

I pray that you will experience 
this divine love
in all its fullness
I pray you will discover
that it always has
and always will be
there for you.   

If you would like to add your original poem, short letter, or artwork to this page to honor a survivor or victim, you can either E-mail it to us at mail@naffoundation.org or send it to our postal address: NAFF, PO Box 1328, Soddy Daisy TN 37384-1328, USA.     

Top of Page          NAFF Home Page

This web page was most recently edited on 11/02/2009. 

Emergency contacts and resources 

SOUTHEAST
TENNESSEE

Catholic Charities of East Tennessee, Inc.
Chattanooga Office
Phone 423-267-1297 
Fax 423-265-4923

Children's 
Advocacy Centerof Hamilton County County 
24-hour child abuse hotline: 
1-877-54-ABUSE

Domestic Violence
Resources

Focus Adolescent Services: Family Help in Tennessee
(410) 341-4342
(877) 362-8727

The Partnership
for Families,
Children and Adults
(Partnershipfca)
Family Violence 
Services Shelter
and Sexual Crisis & Resource Center
24-hour hotline:
(423) 755-2700

Survival Necessities Assistance

Tennessee Dept.
of Human Services
Child and elder abuse
24-hour hotline:
(423) 266-0162

USA 

Abuse Consultants
Suicide resource
page

Child Help USA
24-hour National
Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453

Cyber Tipline
To report child sexual exploitation
24-hour hotline: 1-800-843-5678

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men
24-hour hotline:
1-877-643-1120, 
pin # 0757

Friends of Battered Women and Their Children
Counseling and legal
advocacy
24-hour hotline:
1-800-603-4357

Hot Peach
Pages - USA
State lists of agencies against domestic violence

KID SAVE
"Referrals to shelters, mental health services,
sexual abuse
treatment, substance abuse, family counseling,
residential care, adoption/foster care, etc."
24-hour helpline:
1-800-543-7283

National Center
for Missing and
Exploited
Children (NCMEC)
24-hour hotline
1-800-843-5678

National Center
on Elder Abuse
State Elder Abuse
Hotlines

National Family
Violence Helpline
24-hour hotlines:
National Child
Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
National Domestic
Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 or
1-800-787-3244
(TTY)
Victims of elder abuse
1-800-879-6682

National Family
Violence Hotline
24-hour hotlines:
1-800- 221-2681  
1-800- 222-2000

National Runaway/ Adolescent Suicide Hotline
24-hour hotline:
1-800-621-4000

National Suicide Hotline
(Centerstone)
24-hour hotline:
1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)

National Youth
Crisis Hotline
"...for children and
youth who are
abused, suicidal, chemically dependent, depressed over family
or school problems, runaway or
abandoned."
24-hour hotline
1-800-442-4673

Prevent Suicide 
Do you feel you have tried everything, and nothing makes pain go away? Do you feel like your answer is suicide? Then please just take one minute and dial 1-800-SUICIDE 
(1-800-784-2433)

Rape, Abuse, &
Incest National
Network (RAINN)
24-hour hotline:
1-800-656-4673

SAFE (Self-Abuse
Finally Ends) Alternatives) 
Provides Information;
not a crisis number
1-800-DONT-CUT
(1-800-366-8288)

Stop Abuse for
Everyone (SAFE)

Stop It Now!
Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Helpline 
(office hours only)
1-888-773-8368

Suicide Prevention
24-hour hotlines
1-800-827-7571
1-800-784-2433

Virtual Global Task Force (VGT)
"...made up of police forces from around the world working together to fight online child abuse."

CANADA  

Abuse
Consultants
Suicide resources

Centre for Treatment of Sexual Abuse & Childhood Trauma
Serves Ottawa-Carleton 
613-233-4929

Hot Peach
Pages - Canada  
Agencies against
domestic violence

Kids' Help Phone
National phone counselling svc. for children and youths
24-hour hotline
1-800-668-6868

Stop Abuse for
Everyone (SAFE)

Telecare Distress
Centre
Confidential 24-hour crisis and befriending phone support line:
(905) 459-7777
(Not toll-free)
Email address: telecare@on.aibn.com

Victims of Violence
For victims of violent crime - Ottawa, Ontario
(613) 233-0052
vofv@victimsofviolence.
on.ca

Virtual Global Task Force (VGT)
"...made up of police forces from around the world working together to fight online child abuse."

Many more helpful contacts are listed on NAFF's Recovery Resources and More Resources  web pages.

Every day around the world, and even here in the United States, children are sold into virtual slavery or traffic for the worst forms of sexual abuse -  President Bill Clinton, U.N. Protocol Orders Signing Ceremony July 5, 2000.

Copyright © 2004 North American Freedom Foundation  

NAFF does not discriminate against any person due to religious beliefs, age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic background, disability, or national origin.