Pedophilia

*NORTH AMERICAN FREEDOM FOUNDATION (NAFF)*
	Using Education and Remembrance to Advocate for U.S. and Canadian Victims and Survivors of Mind Control, Torture, Slavery, and Related Terror Due to its graphic content, this website is not suitable for children.

Pedophilia

Basic information

The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) describes Pedophilia as a "paraphilic focus [involving] sexual activity with a prepubescent child (generally age 13 years or younger). The individual with Pedophilia must be age 16 years or older and at least 5 years older than the child...Some individuals prefer males, others females, and some are aroused by both males and females...Some individuals with Pedophilia are sexually attracted only to children (Exclusive Type), whereas others are sometimes attracted to adults (Non-exclusive Type" (p. 571).

Go to the following web page, Explaining Pedophilia, to learn more:
http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/14/1687_51642.htm?printing=true

Stop It Now! also provides concrete information about pedophilia and related issues. The following web pages may be helpful for concerned caregivers

	Adults and Juveniles with Sexual Behavior Problems http://www.stopitnow.com/resourceguide/rg02_adultjuvs.html
	Warning Signs About Child Sexual Abuse http://www.stopitnow.com/warnings.html

Top of Page

Beyond the basics

Click these links to view the corresponding sections

Why pedophiles are often successful in gaining child victims' cooperation and silence

Some of the potential effects of child sexual abuse

Pro-pedophilia websites and information

A survivor's story of sexual slavery

Neutral and anti-pedophilia websites and information

Top of Page

Why pedophiles are often successful in gaining child victims' cooperation and silence

As you may notice in the section, "Pro-Pedophile Websites and Information," many pedophiles use remarkably similar statements and arguments to convince their victims, themselves, and sometimes the public at large that the child victims are not being abused; that they are being loved instead of sexually assaulted; and that the pedophiles are doing nothing wrong to the victims (see the pedophile credo, below). Some pedophiles have even convinced themselves, and their victims, that the pedophiles) are the only adults who really "love" the victims. They sometimes blame their guilt on society, labeling it as the real victim because - they argue - society is keeping children from the full experience of sexual pleasure and love. Unfortunately, such perpetrators seem incapable of comprehending that there is a big difference between adults having sex with children, and children innocently experimenting with other children. They also do not seem able to comprehend that children's minds and bodies react to sexual stimulation in very different ways than adults do, and that children are not ready to have the kind of intimate bonds with adults, that adults can have with one another.

Some experts argue that adult-child sexual assault is not really about love, but is about the power differential between the adult and the child. The differential can be a benefit for the adult offender for a number of reasons, including the following:

	If the adult is a primary caregiver, the child is dependent on the adult for love, protection, basic physical needs, and more. Therefore, the child will be more likely to give the adult what the adult requests or demands. The child victim may also bond with the adult in an unnatural way to ensure that the adult will continue to give love to the child.
	Whether or not the adult is a primary caregiver, the adult's easy access to many adult-level resources: knowledge of the law, money, control over the physical environment, possible knowledge of the child's stages of mental, emotional, social and physical development, and more can give the adult numerous distinct advantages over the child. For instance,
	Some sexual offenders convince the children that if the children tell anyone about what the offenders are doing to them, the offenders will kill or do other serious harm to the children or others who are dear to the children, including relatives and pets. Most children do not understand that just because the offender is physically overwhelming and frightening to the child, this does not mean that the offender would be perceived the same way by others.
	The child probably will not be aware that the offender is most likely making empty threats, and is in fear of discovery by the law. Some offenders will even tell the child victims that if they "tell," they will get into trouble for having complied. This power differential can change dramatically if the child learns that the offender has broken the law, and that the child has not.
	Because the adult perpetrator will understand what the child does not - that the child's genitals will automatically respond to sexual stimulation - the perpetrator can use this knowledge to confuse the child, and convince the child that he/she "must have wanted" the stimulation.
	Due to the current negative campaign by the False Memory Syndrome Foundation and other alleged pro-pedophile organizations against the public's acceptance of the veracity of statements made by the child victims, statements made by adult perpetrators are more likely to be given credence, whereas the child victims' statements are more likely to be considered unreliable or even fabricated. The gap widens if the adult perpetrator knows how to trick the child into providing unbelievable statements (e.g., if a perpetrator wears a Mickey Mouse outfit while sexually assaulting the child, the child's subsequent report may be not be taken seriously.)
	If a pedophile is aware that a child is not receiving sufficient love and attention at home, the pedophile will understand what the child does not: that the child will draw close to other adults who at least pretend to provide love and attention. Because children are not capable of abstract thinking, they will not be capable of understanding that if a pedophile tells them they love the children, and do extra nice things for the children, the love may not be legitimate.
	Perhaps the most obvious reason why an adult would clearly benefit from an adult-child sexual "relationship" is that the adult's body is naturally larger and stronger than the child's. This alone can ensure the child victim's cooperation and silence.
	If the child is being victimized by a group of sexual predators, the power differential increases exponentially. It increases even more if the child is also being ritually abused by the same adults, because the child is more likely to dissociate and to fear for his/her life. The worst-case scenario is if the child is sexually and ritually abused by family members in secretive group settings.

Top of Page

Some of the potential effects of child sexual abuse

First, we will look at excerpts from Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders - Who They Are, How They Operate, and how We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children, written by Anna C. Salter, Ph.D. Please keep in mind that although Dr. Salter's book focuses almost exclusively on male perpetrators, female perpetrators are not as uncommon as was once believed, and their crimes continue to be grossly underreported in comparison to similar crimes perpetrated by males. (A good resource for survivors of female-female child sexual abuse is The Last Secret: Daughter Sexually Abused by Mothers by Bobbie Rosencrans, MSW.)

	"One in three girls and one in six boys will have sexual contact with an adult."
	"The most common age at which sexual abuse begins is three."
	"Most sexual abuse is committed by heterosexual males."
	"The Department of Justice estimates that on average, there is one child molester per square mile in the United States."
	"The average child molester victimizes between 50 and 150 children before he is ever arrested (and many more after he is arrested)."
	"There are two basic predatory types...the power-predator charges like a bear...the far more common offender is a persuasion-predator. This type of criminal looks for a vulnerable victim, someone who will allow him to be in control. Like a shark circling potential prey, the persuasion-predator approaches slowly and watches to see how people react to his advances...with each favorable response he elicits, he circles closer."
	"Misplaced trust is the predator's most powerful resource."
	"Boyfriends or stepfathers are much more likely to abuse their partner's child than the child's biological father."
	"Since most sexual predators molest many children, the number of victims is increasing exponentially."
	"Insight therapy produces sex offenders with insight, but they're still sex offenders, and they continue offending."
	"Secrecy is the lifeblood of sexual aggression."
	In a study of 232 sex offenders in the late 1980s, the child sexual molesters admitted "attempting more than fifty-five thousand incidents of molestation. They claimed to have been successful in 38,000 incidents and reported they had more than 17,000 total victims. Men who molested out-of-home female children averaged twenty victims...men who molested out-of-home male children...averaged 150 victims each...most of these offenses had never been detected."
	Dr. Gene Abel, one of the researchers involved in the above-mentioned study, "computed the chances of being caught for a sexual offense at 3 percent."
	"Sex offenders are notorious for bonding with a child and using that relationship to manipulate the child into having sex with them."
	"Private behavior cannot be predicted from public behavior. Kind, nonviolent individuals behave well in public, but so do many people who are brutal behind the scenes."
	"Despite the psychopath's lack of conscience and lack of empathy for others, he is inevitably better at fooling people than any other type of offender."
	"Many offenders report that religious people are even easier to fool than most people."
	"There are specific techniques sex offenders and other predators use to fool people. First and most important is setting up a double life. Many offenders will deliberately establish themselves as the kind of person who wouldn't do that kind of thing."
	"In one study, 30 percent of sadists who had killed three or more people had reputations as solid citizens, and in another, sixty-five percent were middle class."
	"The front that offenders typically offer to the outside world is usually a 'good person,' someone who the community believes has a good character and who would never do such a thing"
	"Sex offenders are well aware of our propensity for making assumptions about private behavior from public presentation. They use that information deliberately and carefully to set up a double life. It serves them well but doesn't do much for the rest of us."
	"The second tactic - the ability to charm, to be likeable, to radiate sincerity and truthfulness - is crucial to gaining access to children."
	With practice, offenders can keep direct eye contact while lying, and can suppress all signs of nervousness
	"Careful planning is not unusual with sex offenders. Although treatment programs routinely target impulsivity, in fact many offenders are not at all impulsive."
	"What is different about child molesters is only this: They have sex with children" (italics added).
	"Our collective difficulty in believing someone we know would molest a child is partly because of our difficulty in understanding why anybody would do such a thing."
	If a person is attracted to sex with same-age partners, that does not guarantee that the person is not a pedophile. "The diagnostic manual of the American Psychiatric Association states that pedophiles are adults who are sexually attracted to prepubescent children, and they may or may not be attracted to other adults as well."
	In the minds of most pedophiles, "children and adolescents are equal matches for adults." Another professional explained to me that most pedophiles see themselves as being the same ages as their child victims; hence, they perceive the sex act as being performed by equals.
	A result of interviews with 23 victims of child sexual abuse showed that half were given "special favors, money, or clothes"...there was a "subtle" movement from "normal physical affection" to "overt sexual acts...accompanied by rationalizations", e.g., the children were told that the "behavior was acceptable." More than half of the children said that they "loved him, liked him, needed or depended on him." Almost all of the children were eventually threatened with harm, including body mutilation, murder, or - interestingly - abandonment by the perpetrators.
	"Prison does nothing about the fantasy and the planning. The obsession is maintained by constant masturbation to fantasies of children."
	"Alcohol releases inhibitions and decreases judgment concerning sexual interests the person already has. It will not create a sexual interest the person otherwise lacks."
	"A significant percentage of child molesters do not seem to know how to connect with adults, and they alleviate their loneliness through children whom they find more trusting and accepting." Several other professionals have told me that child victims are preferred because it gives the perps much more "power and control."
	"It is far rarer for female sex offenders to be prosecuted and far more difficult to get convictions. The average person does not seem to want to believe that women, particularly the child's own mother, could do such a thing."
	One of the largest groups of female perpetrators target children under age 6 - "preferably their own."
	In one study of female perpetrators, "nine of the fourteen offenders...admitted to enjoying hurting the child."
	"Women offenders are capable of the same severity of sexual abuse as male offenders are. Nor does the lack of a penis stop them from penetrating a child." The list of possible tools of penetration, including fingers, tongues, dildos, enemas, vibrators, etc. is endless.
	"Sexual sadism is sexual attraction to pain, suffering, terror, or humiliation...sadists hurt people for the sexual thrill...roughly 2 to 5 percent of sex offenders across studies are sadistic."
	"When you ask sadists about callousness toward people, they often shrug and tell you that they treated people as objects...sadists don't attack trees or cars...they are acutely aware of how people feel."
	"When you or I see someone in pain, we empathize...sadists feel satisfied, high, happy instead...what is peculiar to sadists is this feeding off of the pain."
	"Sadists do not announce themselves while courting...it appears that sadists present initially as exactly the opposite of what they are."
	"Psychopaths -- offenders without a conscience -- fool people for the thrill of it."
	"Key characteristics of psychopathy are glibness, superficial charm, and an extraordinary ability to con and to manipulate...really good psychopaths are genuinely likeable."
	"Instead of feeling remorse over deceiving others, psychopaths feel...a kind of joy and almost childlike delight in duping other people...it is the joy of winning...psychopaths are playing a different game with a different rule book from the rest of us."
	"Among the positive illusions we must monitor is our bias toward believing what people tell us. Over and over, research shows that the default option is to believe what we hear and what we read...simple things such as repeating a false assertion will increase the chances that people will believe it."
	"If the victim survives--life looks different. The positive illusions that sustain us can shatter in the face of trauma. And what is left is a very different view of the world."
	"Severe trauma fosters a very different worldview, one in which the world is no longer meaningful, in which a benevolent deity does not hover, in which individuals are helpless, and in which safety is a fragile and sometime thing. The world seems random at best, malevolent at worse. And children are as susceptible as adults."
	"A study by Dr. Richard Famularo found those with chronic posttraumatic stress disorder, a frequent sequelae of trauma, expected life to be short, difficult, and hard."
	"It is disorienting to go to bed one night only to look out the window the next morning to find a different landscape, one you don't recognize. The bewilderment of the person who loses their sense of meaning in the world is profound."
	"There is no harm in believing that the future holds more than the past, or that life is basically good, or that good triumphs over evil...those who hold such general and abstract beliefs about the world are more likely to be happier and healthier...but where our illusions become dangerous is when they cause us to assume that specific people and situations are not dangerous, when they allow us to assume the best about others without considering the worst."
	Especially for the sake of our children, "We must act as though the world could be dangerous, even if we believe it will not be."

Victims who were sexually assaulted over long periods of time are especially likely to have difficulty separating love from sex, and perhaps sex from pain, in their minds. This is because they may have been conditioned to believe that sex is love, and that pleasure and pain are two sides of the same coin. They may need special help to begin to separate these various facets of the human experience, and to understand that love is selfless, not self-centered; that it does not seek to harm the object of its passion; and that one can love another person without having sex with that person.

Perhaps one of the most difficult challenges for recovering victims is to separate pain and pleasure. When a child is sexually assaulted by an adult, pain and other forms of physical discomfort are often part of that assault. The victim may develop neuron paths that pair the experience of sexual sensory stimulation, and even orgasms, with physical discomfort. For this reason, some victims and survivors need help to learn how to have pleasurable sexual experiences - if they choose - without having to also bring pain, gagging, suffocation, or even a near-death experience into the experience.

Another problem that many recovering victims encounter, is that they have more of a "need" than non-victims for sexual stimulation. One psychiatrist, who has worked with sexual abuse victims and survivors for decades, once remarked that such victims seem to "develop their sexual sensory neuron paths very early in life." In other words, some survivors and victims may literally be hardwired to seek sexual stimulation much more often than other individuals. Instead of harshly judging such victims and survivors for being "promiscuous," we need to understand that they are simply continuing the conditioning they received from the perpetrators - especially those who are quite adept at causing child victims to have orgasms.

Some victims of childhood sexual assault may have special difficulty in transitioning - mentally and emotionally - from the seemingly insane world of pedophilia to the "normal world." This is, in part, because the pedophiles' justifications and arguments may have been solidly implanted and reinforced in the victims' minds. A surprising number of survivors have communicated to us that they feel very frustrated when they are told to "just put their past behind them". They relate that they cannot put behind them, what lives on in their minds! Another issue that many survivors have expressed concern about, is that people in the "normal" world don't want to hear about the survivors' experiences. Although this is certainly understandable - such information can be quite horrific and upsetting - we must honor the survivors' right to communicate their past experiences. Their past is a big part of who they are, just as our past is a big part of our own sense of self.

As mentally conditioned by the pedophiles, many victims will take responsibility and blame themselves for the sexual assaults and betrayals. Unfortunately, some victims will go a step further, deciding that the pedophiles loved them and did not do anything wrong or immoral to them. These victims are especially at risk of becoming part of our next generation of pedophiles.

The following quote is an example of "blaming the victim":

    Tammy Imre, 29, a receptionist in Stratford, Conn., was charged with repeatedly having sex with an 8-year-old boy.
    Imre's mother blamed the boy. "It's not her ... she was just too friendly; that's all," said the mother. "He's the one who
    needs to be looked at" (John Leo, Commentary, Chattanooga Times/Free Press, 1/16/04).

Top of Page

Some pedophiles insist that adult-child sex should be legalized, since it was legal
in ancient Greece. Such individuals fail to acknowledge that the average life
span for a Greek male, BC, was less than twenty years.

(Reproduced from Lifespan Development, 2nd Edition, p. 12).

Pro-pedophilia websites and information

The first set of information is quoted from the Australian Family Support for Victims of Paedophiles Inc. former website. Although the FSVP opposed pedophilia, parts of its website provided a look at pro-pedophile information and arguments. The website also provided a partial list of some of the more well-known pedophile groups and organizations throughout the world, both past and present. Please keep in mind, however, that some pedophile organizations do not wish to be identified, and do not advertise themselves - particularly if they are involved in organized criminal activities that can include child slavery, child pornography, torture, group sexual assault, and criminal ritual abuse.

[Excerpts from] Chapter 9: Pro Paedophilia Movement

"Below Are Listed Just A Few Of The More Notorious And Better-Known Boy-Love/Girl-Love Or Paedophile Associations And Organisation Web Sites":

NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) founded in December 1978

Lavender Links

BoyWorld

Princess Page

Ringo Photography

Ritchie's Boylove site

Parents Liberation

Child Sensuality Circle

Rene Guyon Society

The Sexual Freedom League

The Boylove Club

BLAZE (Boy Lovers and Zucchini Eaters)

Children's Liberation Railway

The Freedom Club

Lewis Carroll Collectors Guild

Club Demonia

Freedom Lovers

The Outcasts

AMBLA (Australasian Man Boy Love Assoc.)

MIRSO (Male Intergenerational Relationship Support Organisation)

Paedophile Liberation Army

The Tail Enders

The Bunnymen

The Choirboys

The Circle of Friends

The Moonlighters

Kids Liberation Front

Chocolate Star Fishermen

Raveloe Castle

The Uranians

Charlie's Boys

Eulenspiegel Society

Orchid Club

Alt. Pedophilia newsgroups

Bittersweet

Boylove in Asia

Little Angels

Fresh Petals

Kimeta Society

Mancunians

Magpies

Sunboys

Montreal Ganymede Collective

Superboys

Wizards Lair

Sandboys

Streetkids Club

The Society of Janus

The Paedophile Information Exchange (PIE)

Paedophile Action for Liberation (PAL)

Free Spirits Society

Wonderland Club

Australian Paedophile Support Group

The Peacock Club

Oedipus Boys

PapaBears

The Freemen

The Love Brothers

Pageboys

Golden Boys

Australian Girl Lovers Association (AGLO)

Boystuff

SIN (Sexual Inequality Networkers)

United Paedophile Information Exchange (UPIE)

Queerlanders

BrizBoys

"Not all of the above are still operating today, some have been closed down or moved on by the authorities, or have simply changed name. Continuous Internet WWW monitoring and participation or membership of many of these sites shows that as soon as one is closed down, at least 2 or 3 more open in their place. Individual paedophiles are opening their own sites with personal Web pages proudly displaying their interests. These sites invariably don't portray sufficient illegal material for the authorities to act, or are operated from countries that have no child abuse laws, or are insufficiently capable of monitoring them. It is our experience that there are in excess of 1000 individual boy-love WWW, IRC and Bulletin board sites on the Internet. Some of them are constantly changing addresses and at times vary their names slightly, but the theme and content always stays the same."

Ipce Web Site
"Ipce is a forum for people who are engaged in scholarly discussion about the understanding and emancipation of mutual relationships between children or adolescents and adults."
http://www.ipce.info/ipceweb

List of alleged pro-pedophile professional and pseudo-professional journals
http://www.paedosexualitaet.de/jour

North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA)
"...The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) was formed in 1978. It was inspired by the success of a campaign based in Boston's gay community to defend against a local witchhunt. NAMBLA's goal is to end the extreme oppression of men and boys in mutually consensual relationships by: building understanding and support for such relationships; educating the general public on the benevolent nature of man/boy love; cooperating with lesbian, gay, feminist, and other liberation movements; supporting the liberation of persons of all ages from sexual prejudice and oppression."
Current website address unknown.

Paedophilia by John Bancroft. From Human Sexuality and its Problems.
http://www.heretical.org/miscella/bpaedo.html

Paidika: the Journal of Padeophilia. Quarterly publication. Paidika, Postbus 22630, 1100 DC Amsterdam 20, The Netherlands.

The Pedophilia/Pedophile Education Web Site Mirror includes the Pedophile Liberation Army's Pedophile Credo, as follows:

      1) I am a pedophile - and children are sexual and need release with me via sex/contact.
      2) I feel good about myself and my views on children - and will join pedo organizations.
      3) I love children - and kids love pedophiles and want to be with them.
      4) I wish to defend the right of free sexual expression for children and pedophiles.
      5) I have nothing to apologize for - nobody can make me feel guilty for loving children.
      6) I am entitled to my own opinion and nobody can censor me because they disagree.
      7) I simply have a different sexual orientation than most people.
      8) There is nothing "wrong" with me - I'm not a "predator" - I respect kids - unlike society.
      9) I'm not mentally ill - society wishes to deny the sexual nature of kids and blames us.
    10) I should be able to have relationships with children without being condemned/jailed.
    11) I understand a child can say "no" and that he/she may also say "yes" to sex.
    12) I will "network" with other pedophiles and use the safety of the internet to do it.
    13) I will share experiences with people of my own kind in mutual self-help/support.
    14) I realize that bonding with other pedophiles is a good thing and stops self-hatred.
    15) I am not a rapist and would NEVER harm or force myself on a child.
    16) I am not a "child-molester" since I do not "molest" (bother/annoy/disturb) kids.
    17) I favor sexual contact between consenting children and adults being legalized.
    18) I accept who and what I am without feeling guilty or ashamed over it.
    19) I will work to stop ignorance of pedophiles and pedophilia using the internet.
    20) I will work to promote TRUE understanding regarding the effects of sex on kids.
    21) I will work tirelessly to stop censorship of our beliefs online and elsewhere.
    22) I will eventually "come out" when our beliefs are legalized and viewed objectively.
    23) I support pedophiles educating kids in the classroom to explore their options.
    24) I support pedophiles being involved and not "screened out" of youth organizations.
    25) I will protect myself from prosecution at all times if possible to keep hope alive.
    26) I will not keep kids from exploring their sexuality with me or even other children.
    27) I will not accept being a scapegoat of abusive, misguided laws (e.g. Megan's Law)
    28) I will be active politically and demanding of my elected officials to respect me.
    29) I will put up my own web site about/advocating pedophilia and educate the public.
    30) I will counteract the lies of "save the children" organizations and tell the truth.
    31) I demand the right of companionship with children I care about and protect.
    32) I am not a monster. I accept children are sexual beings - it is society that is wrong.
    33) I am a good, moral, loving person who is attracted to and loves children harmlessly.
    34) I will work to stop the REAL reasons for harm to kids in sex with with adults - GUILT.
    35) I will help children explore their sexual feelings with a safe, caring adult/pedo.
    36) I advocate a very substantial lowering of the "age of consent" laws.
    37) I will collect erotic photos & drawings of kids and TRADE (safely) with other pedos.
    38) I advocate "pedophile self-help support groups" that are pro-pedo and not judging.
    39) I have a dream! That we will all be free one day and I will rejoice at emancipation.
    40) I am not ever going away. I will be here forever and love kids always. We will win!
http://www.lege.cz/archiv/pedo3.htm#2

Pedosexual Resources Directory
http://www.paedosexualitaet.de/index.html

Pro-pedophile "information about sexual relations between adults and children"
http://www.paedosexualitaet.de/index.html

Pro-pedophile organizations and website links
http://www.ipce.info/ipceweb/links.htm
http://www.paedosexualitaet.de/org

Top of Page

A survivor's story of sexual slavery

There is a spectrum of types and intensities of sexual abuse. There is also a spectrum of abuse survivors. Some were hurt "just" (I apologize for this word) once or a couple of times, or always in the same way, or by a stranger and not by a parent. These survivors are more likely to need less time to heal - given the right kind of support. Survivors of sadistic abuse, ritualized torture, and invasive, nonconsensual experimentation are at the other end of the spectrum, or bell curve, if you prefer that mental image. Most of us were hurt by family members and/or by a succession of individuals over a periods of years. Most of us were assaulted by groups of men and sometimes, women. Most of us were tortured mentally and emotionally and physically. Many of us were forced to hurt and even kill other innocents, and then were encouraged to blame ourselves exclusively for what we had no choice in doing. he very fact that we continue to survive is remarkable.

As one of the survivors at the far end of the spectrum, I "lucked up" (this is pure sarcasm) by having a father who was not only a pedophile but also a sadist. He clearly enjoyed watching others who were in pain - often by his own hands. I probably will not ever be able to remember all the times, or the ways, he tortured me over a period of several decades. Remembering the torture has been easy, however, in comparison to remembering the times when I enjoyed being with him as he sexually manipulated and seduced me. It's easier to be brave and heroic in remembering the painful traumas, than to remember good times spent with the same perpetrator. he dichotomy of extreme bad times and unusually good times is another reason why my mind split. Who can deal with both in one life? How could I let my guard down with a father and enjoy sex "with" him, if I knew he might torture me the next hour? And how could I steel myself to endure the torture, if I also had soft feelings for him? My father was a very complicated man - or perhaps, very simplistic. Perhaps I couldn't understand him because my mind simply cannot go where his was. If so, I thank God for that mercy.

One of the hardest things that most sexual abuse survivors eventually work through is that they had some good feelings even when the worst was being done to them. This is not our fault; we cannot control our bodies and choose to stop certain parts of ourselves from responding when they are being skillfully manipulated by sexual perpetrators.

In the following article, I share how I worked through the irrational guilt that I carried for fourteen years - because I experienced pleasure along with the pain. It may also help some readers to understand how a child can be conditioned, over time, to become a sex slave. Once that child is conditioned to be addicted to orgasms, this can be a lifetime problem due to an entrenched sexual addiction. I wouldn't have broken my addiction, had I not received quality professional help to do so.

My First Enslavement

When I met with my therapist the other day, I told her that I'm realizing that I've always felt very guilty about having wanted sex with my dad, during my childhood and beyond. I told her that I have repeatedly remembered that when I was an infant and he changed my diapers, he stimulated my clitoris with his fingertip until I had powerful orgasms that were quite painful. Over time, those orgasms became less painful and more pleasurable. And then he penetrated my vagina with small objects and fingers, then bigger and bigger ones, until he penetrated me. Again there was a lot of pain, because he had a large penis. Gradually, I stretched in that part of my body, accommodating his size, and became addicted to intercourse with him.

I told the therapist that two of the women dad had lived with confided in me years after his death that he had been a very good lover. Their statements seemed odd, because dad beat and terrorized and raped one for years, and neglected and emotionally abused the other. This indicates to me that dad - a sociopath incapable of love and warmth - must have skillfully used sexual stimulation as a tool to control the women and to keep them locked into him. As I told this to my therapist, she remarked that if he used it to control those women, he would have also used it to control me.

I honestly hadn't considered this idea before. When I was a child, I had wanted so badly to believe what he told me, that he had sex with me because he loved me. I stopped believing this when I remembered as an adult what he had done to me. I knew that this was a classic pedophile's lie. But then I had many childhood memories of "having sex with" him. Each time, I relived intense orgasms and physical and emotional pleasure. This was much harder to deal with. Adult me felt guilty that as a child, I'd been addicted to his body, his skin, his smell, and the powerful orgasms that always made all the bad go away for a while. (This included mentally separating from the pain of his penetrations.) I started feeling guilty that I'd wanted sex with him and had been aroused by him. I felt bad because as a child, I'd been so addicted to him that when he'd given me to other men to sexually service them, I'd been miserable - I wanted him!

When I explained to the therapist that I still feel bad and guilty for having wanted sex with dad, she said, "It sounds like your father used sexual stimulation, and skillfully manipulated orgasms, to control you. It was all about control." I refused to budge. I couldn't accept that he'd done it to control me. She repeated, "It was all about control." As I grudgingly admitted that she might be right, my inner world shifted on its axis. Dad had used hundreds of other mind-control techniques on me, including torture and Eriksonian hypnosis, to make my mind and body his property. So why wouldn't he have used sexual stimulation to control me? It's like my eyes opened and I could see for the first time - oh dear God - by continually arousing me and getting me to orgasm, dad had kept me addicted and dependent on him, the same way a crack addict becomes addicted to her supplier!

For years, I've blamed myself for having wanted him as a child, not understanding that he'd deliberately conditioned my mind this way! It wasn't my fault! I was not guilty for wanting his body; in reality, he was guilty and responsible for conditioning me to become addicted to orgasms!

When one memory or awareness from the past comes, there is usually more waiting to be recognized and accepted. As I tried to remember being with dad in the house as a child, all I could see was gray fog. What did this mean?

As I grew up, I blocked out all memory of having been sexually abused and more. Nevertheless, the effects continued. When I was a teenager, I was very depressed. I smoked marijuana nearly every day to stay alive and to function. When I was a young adult, I often strolled through cemeteries, wishing fervently that I could be in the ground with the dead. Starting in 1990, as I remembered my blocked-out past, I was hospitalized 7 times for major depression. I have never forgotten being depressed as a teenager and adult, but I had forgotten that the depression started much earlier.

When I was a child, I was addicted to dad. I was also very depressed, hence the gray fog. My being locked into him, and my addiction to the orgasms, didn't make the depression go away; those factors increased it. Like a crack addict, my addiction cost me way too much. I was only able to develop one friendship during my childhood to a girl who was also being controlled by perpetrators. I couldn't risk connecting with others, because my life was full of secrecy. (Having constant sex "with" ones father keeps one from being able to connect with ones mother, siblings, and nearly everyone else. Everyone but the perpetrator.) And there were other costs to my sanity, other reasons why my depression grew. Although dad often pleasured me, at other times he tortured me at home and took me to extremely traumatic rituals. As I stayed locked into him - I had no choice - the price of my forced addiction to him was extreme. I became deeply depressed.

Today, as I write these awarenesses in my journal, another forces its way into my consciousness: if dad used sexual stimulation to control me, my slavery didn't start when he sold me to other men to use me. For the first time in my life, I admit by writing in my journal I was dad's slave. I don't want to accept what I'm writing. But I don't want to be a coward. If it's true, it's time to face it. I write it again, this time in big black letters: "I WAS DADS SLAVE. And it was DEPRESSING and there was NO WAY OUT."

Although this is a very important part of my past that I didn't want to remember, I'm willing to accept it now. It's time.

With acceptance comes more memory: all through my childhood, I was deeply depressed - what Winston Churchill called the "black dog." It was in my life and mind and body 24/7 because I was the slave of a primary caregiver. After all, I was dependent on him for food, shelter, and so much more. In my childish understanding, if I left him I would die. Therefore, the only way I could escape from the depression was the very orgasms that kept me locked into him. And the ensuing secrecy isolated me, leaving me no one to turn to. No one but him. So what did I do? I lived in a constant fog of depression. I was never close to anyone beside him. I kept his sordid secrets, making them mine. I sought more orgasms from him. I ate and ate, filling my little belly, making the pain of the depression go away for just a little while. Although going to school and playing outdoors were temporary escapes, I always had to return home - to more of him.

I've been in recovery long enough to know that I need to remember and feel the childhood depression if I want to integrate with that previously split-off part of my soul. And I know that eventually, I won't feel the miserable sensation as strongly as I do right now. The soul-numbness. The eternal hopelessness. The separation from everyone else but the despicable source of my hundreds, perhaps thousands, of too-early orgasms. Dear God, what a horrible way for a child to exist. And I did exist that way. And I was just a child. And I was dad's slave before I was a slave to anyone else.

Top of Page

Neutral and anti-pedophilia websites and information

19 Arrested in Federal Crackdown on Child Prostitution Rings, Washington Post/AP, 12/17/05
http://www.washingtonpost.com

1,102 Sex Offenders Rounded Up in 27-State Dragnet, Washington Post/AP, 4/28/06
http://www.washingtonpost.com

Anti-Child Porn Organization (ACPO)
"...an organization, comprised of volunteers from around the world, whose mission is to stop the sexual exploitation of the world's children. For the past two years ACPO has been addressing the issues of Child Pornography production and distribution via the Internet, as well as the predatory use of the Internet for the sexual abuse of children."
http://www.antichildporn.org

Articles about Sex Offenders
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/offendersarticles.html

The Association for Treatment of Sexual Abusers (ATSA)
http://www.atsa.com

Attorneys File Latest Lawsuit Thursday
4/25/03, The Omaha Channel, Omaha, Nebraska. "Boys Town faces a third lawsuit claiming sexual abuse from decades ago at the home for wayward youth."
http://www.theomahachannel.com/news/2159405/detail.html

Because I Love You: the Silent Shadow of Child Sexual Abuse by Joyce Allan. Virginia Foundation for the Humanities Press. http://www.timetospeak.com/buy.html

Boy Scouts Executive Surrenders in Fort Worth on a Child Pornography Charge by Ralph Blumenthal
New York Times, 3/30/05
"The longtime program director of the Boy Scouts of America and chairman of its Youth Protection Task Force has surrendered on a federal charge of receiving and distributing child pornography on the Internet, the United States attorney's office in Fort Worth said Tuesday."
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=FB0816F6395B0C738FDDAA0894DD404482

By Silence Betrayed: Sexual Abuse of Children in America by John Crewdson.
Harper & Row, 1989. Paperback. ISBN 0-06-079203-3.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0060972033/instituteforpsyc/
002-3979644-2298422

Child porn: 27 arrested in Spain by CNN Madrid Bureau Chief Al Goodman
"Spanish authorities uncovered video of children--some as young as five years old--taped in the United States, Sweden and Asia..."
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/europe/12/17/spain.porn/index.html

Child porn ring: 80,000 images found, Sydney Morning Herald/AP, 3/16/06
http://smh.com.au/news/world/global-child-porn-ring-raids/2006/03/16/1142098561504.html

Child Prostitution and Sex Rings by Michael C. Irving, Ph.D.
http://www.m-a-h.net/library/abuse/article-sexrings.htm

Child Prostitution in the United States
ECPAT-USA
http://www.ecpatusa.org/child_prosti_us.asp

Childhood: It Should Not Hurt! by Claire R. Reeves
Self-published, 2003. Paperback. Ms. Reeves is President and Founder of Mothers Against Sexual Abuse (MASA).
http://www.childhooditshouldnothurt.com.

Children and Prostitution: How Can We Measure and Monitor The Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children?
Literature Review and Annotated Bibliography
http://www.child-abuse.com/childhouse/childwatch/cwi/projects/indicators/prostitution

Children Who Don't Speak Out: About Children Being Abused in Child Pornography by Carl Goran Svedin and Kristina Back.
Radda Barnen, 1997. Paperback. ISBN 9188726584. About child pornography.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/9188726584/ref=ase_
jonradel/002-3979644-2298422?v=glance&s=books

Clergy Abuse Survivors Alliance (CASA)
Mailing address: 5490 Judith St. #3, San Jose CA 95123

Clerical abuse in US compounded by crimes and cover-ups by Ryle Dwyer
Irish Examiner, 2/28/04
http://archives.tcm.ie/irishexaminer/2004/02/28/story759782519.asp

Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children (CSEC) in the U.S., Canada and Mexico
University of Pennsylvania's Social Work Department. Results of ground-breaking study
http://www.sp2.upenn.edu/~restes/CSEC_Files/Exec_Sum_020220.pdf

Crimes Against Children: Practical Applications of a Moral Imperative by Andrew Vachss
"In the United States of America in 1985, the child who becomes the target of intra-familial sexual abuse is the quintessential victim. Trapped in a miasma of guilt, terror and prematurely awakened sexuality, such a child lives a nightmare. The oppressor is also the protector; the messages are so mixed as to be inseparable; and the reality is intolerable. Symptoms are perceived as aberrations. Desperate attempts at communication are ignored. And even eventual disclosure brings not relief but denial, blame and pressure to recant."
http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/disp_8500_a.html

Crimes against Children Research Center (CCRC)
"The mission...is to combat crimes against children by providing high quality research and statistics to the public, policy makers, law enforcement personnel, and other child welfare practitioners. CCRC is concerned with research about the nature of crimes including child abduction, homicide, rape, assault, and physical and sexual abuse as well as their impact."
http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/

The Cyber Tipline
"The Congressionally mandated CyberTipline is a reporting mechanism for cases of child sexual exploitation including child pornography, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child. Reports may be made 24-hours per day, 7 days per week online at www.cybertipline.com or by calling 1-800-843-5678." Reporting categories:

Daughter's Denunciation of Historian Roils Mormon Church by T. R. Reid
Washington Post, 5/8/05
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/05/07/AR2005050700981_pf.html

Dirty mac image hides truth about child abuse by Marie-Louise Mollers
Reuters, 6/6/03
"...recent cases in Europe and the United States have revealed organised networks trading in child pornography and people making millions of dollars selling sex with children."
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=3&art_id=iol1054927144785K316&set_id=1

Disturbing connections emerge: Sexual abuse allegations, cases hint at Spokane's shameful side by Bill Morlin, Spokesman-Review, 7/31/05
http://www.spokesmanreview.com/tools/story_pf.asp?ID=82828

End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography and Trafficking of Children for Sexual Purposes - USA (ECPAT-USA)
"ECPAT is a network of organisations and individuals working together for the elimination of child prostitution, child pornography and trafficking of children for sexual purposes. It seeks to encourage the world community to ensure that children everywhere enjoy their fundamental rights free from all forms of commercial sexual exploitation."
http://www.ecpatusa.org/

Explaining Pedophilia: What Is Pedophilia? by Martin Downs
http://my.webmd.com/content/Article/14/1687_51642.htm?printing=true

Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation
This web page may be particularly important in understanding the difference between pedophilia and homosexuality. Unfortunately, numerous pedophile organizations are making the bogus claim that they have the same right to have adult-child sex legalized, as people who seek the legalization of homosexual activities and marriage. They do not acknowledge that whereas homosexual relations are usually between legally consenting adults, or youths with youths, adult "sexual relations" with vulnerable children are certainly not relationships or interactions between equals.
http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html

Feds investigate child porn on P2P networks
MSNBC/Associated Press, 5/14/04. "A nationwide probe into child pornography trafficking using Internet file-sharing networks has resulted in 1,000 investigations and at least 65 arrests, federal officials announced Friday."
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4980441/

The Franklin Cover-Up
"This documentary, based on the book written by a former state Senator [John DeCamp], documents a web of abuses that could easily have been a cover operation for CIA mind control and child-sex entrapment..."
http://www.thelawparty.com/FranklinCover-up.htm

The Franklin Cover-Up: Child Abuse, Satanism, and Murder in Nebraska by former Nebraska State Senator John W. DeCamp.
AWT, Lincoln NE. Paperback.
http://www.ftrbooks.net/psych/cia_mind_control/franklin.htm

The Franklin Coverup Scandal: The child sex ring that reached the Bush/Reagan Whitehouse
"Former Republican Senator John DeCamp was involved in the production of a documentary called 'Conspiracy of Silence.' It was to air on May 3, 1994 on the Discovery Channel. This documentary exposed a network of religious leaders and Washington politicians who flew children to Washington D.C. for sex orgies. At the last minute before the airing, unknown congressmen threatened the TV Cable industry with restrictive legislation if this documentary was aired."
http://www.thelawparty.org/FranklinCoverup/franklin.htm

Gannongate threatens to expose a huge GOP pedophile and male prostitution ring by Wayne Madsen
Online Journal, 2/18/05
http://www.onlinejournal.org/Media/021805Madsen/021805madsen.html

Global Pedophilia
http://www.whatsmells.com/pedbuster.html

Johnny Gosch Foundation
"This site is dedicated to Johnny Gosch...He was only twelve years old when he was kidnapped more than eighteen years ago. I want him to know that I have tried with every ounce of strength and energy to find him. Our goal is to educate others as to the reality and seriousness of kidnapping, pornography and how it could happen to your family...the dangers of Pedophiles and how cunningly they operate in our country." The founder, Noreen Gosch, is the mother of Johnny Gosch, who was abducted on 9/5/82 while delivering newspapers.
http://www.johnnygosch.com

Homosexuality and Pedophilia
http://www.gayxjw.org/ped.html

How Little We Knew: Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct by Dee Miller
Prescott Press, 1993. Paperback. ISBN 0933451180.
http://www.takecourage.org/book.htm

If you want to fight against the abuse of children…Watch Your Language by Andrew Vachss
Parade, June 5, 2005
"Pedophiles are very familiar with the power of language. They would have us believe that child pornography is a free-speech issue. They know that if they succeed in placing 'child prostitution' anywhere on the continuum of voluntary sexual activity, they will have established a beach-head from which to launch future assaults."
http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/parade_060505.html

International Humanitarian Campaign Against the Exploitation of Children
"A war needs to be waged against those who traffic and abuse children ...IHCAEC's sole purpose is to raise monies to achieve three primary objectives: 1) To get rape counselors and medical assistance into safe houses and reintegration programs; 2) To work with local law enforcement in creating effective training programs; 3) To raise public awareness globally through lectures and the media."
http://www.helpsavekids.org

Internet Dangers for Children, interview with John Shehan
NCMEC, 1/23/06
http://www.itconversations.com/shows/detail964.html

Jehovah's Witnesses accused of building 'paedophile paradise' by Torcuil Chrichton
Sunday Herald
http://www.silentlambs.org/education/jwaccused.cfm

KlaasKids Foundation for Children
"The KlaasKids Foundation was established in 1994 to give meaning to the death of twelve-year-old kidnap and murder victim Polly Hannah Klaas and to create a legacy in her name that would be protective of children for generations to come."
http://www.klaaskids.org

The Last Secret: Daughters Sexually Abused by Mothers by Bobbie Rosencrans, MSW.
Safer Society Press, 1997. Paperback. ISBN 1-884444-36-9.
http://www.safersociety.org/allbks/wp046.html

The Lords of Bakersfield [California]
"Powerful...men. Vulnerable teenage-boys. Murder. For years, some prominent local men who led secret lives were rumored to be protected. Whispers surrounding another important man's death prompt the question: Is there really a conspiracy?" The writer of this particular article may have the mistaken belief that child sexual predators are homosexuals if they prey on same-sex children. In reality, heterosexuals are just as likely, if not more so, to sexually assault same-sex children. Predators often do this because they reenact what was done to them as children by targeting victims who remind them the most of their childhood selves.
http://ww2.bakersfield.com/2003/lords/

Mandate of Pedophile Organizations
"The overall mandate of these various organizations is to legalize sexual relations between adults and children. They want to break down the social discrimination that pedophlies face. They maintain that pedophilia (or as NAMBLA calls it, inter-generational sex) is a sexual orientation or preference just like homosexuality or heterosexuality. [They claim that] age should not be a barrier to 'consensual' sex between children and adults."
http://www.victimsofviolence.on.ca/research322.html
http://www.victimsofviolence.on.ca/research323.html
http://www.victimsofviolence.on.ca/research324.html
http://www.victimsofviolence.on.ca/research325.html
http://www.victimsofviolence.on.ca/research326.html

The MO: The Modus Operandi of Pedophiles -- Insights About Pedophiles: From the Victim's Perspective by Jeanne Sarson, RN, BScN, MEd and Linda MacDonald, RN, BN, MEd
http://ritualabusetorture.org/resources.htm

Mothers Against Sexual Abuse (MASA)
Provides educational programs for teachers, child caregivers and professionals; resource referral network of professionals; educational materials for non-offending parents and child victims' families; educational conferences; assistance for related organizations; and initiation and support of legislation that protects children.
http://www.againstsexualabuse.org

NetSmartz411
"NetSmartz411 is parents' and guardians' premier, online resource for answering questions about Internet safety, computers, and the Web."
http://www.netsmartz411.org/

NetSmartz
Numerous Internet safety tools, information, and more for parents and caregivers, educators, law enforcement personnel, teenagers, and children.
Includes fun games, videos and more.
http://www.netsmartz.org/

Operation Auxin explained
Sydney Morning Herald, 9/30/04. An example of a large-scale investigation of a child pornography/pedophile ring.
http://www.smh.com.au/media/2004/09/30/1096527872004.html

Orphans in the Storm: Male Survivors of Sexual & Ritual Abuse by Dr. Gregory Reid
Self-published. "...speaks deeply to the heart of victims, their families and friends, and is a must for professionals who need to understand how perpetrators work and the damage they do." Available for suggested $10 donation. "All proceeds go to YouthFire, a nonprofit help group for kids." Send order to YouthFire, Box 370006, El Paso TX 79937.
http://www.gregoryreid.com/id51.htm.
http://www.gregoryreid.com/id54_m.htm.

Pedophiles and Child Molesters: The Slaughter of Innocence by Mark Gado
Court TV Crime Library
http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminal_mind/psychology/pedophiles/1.html?sect=19

Pedophiles, Child Sexual Abuse and the Family Unit by Dr. Bill Glaser, April 1997
From Dr. Glaser's presentation at the Paedophilia: Policy & Prevention Conference in Sydney, Australia.
http://www.fortunecity.com/millennium/kirkwall/1067/fsvp_abuse_paper1.htm

Police lift lid on web of abuse by Philip Comford, Les Kennedy, Lindsay Murdoch and agencies
Extensive investigation in Australia and beyond.
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/09/30/1096527869981.html?oneclick=true

Police Smash Global Pedophile Ring by D'arcy Doran
Associated Press, 6/18/07
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/18/AR2007061800358.html
?hpid=moreheadlines

Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders -- Who they are, how they operate, and how we can protect ourselves and our children by Anna C. Salter, Ph.D.
BasicBooks, 2003. Hardcover. ISBN 0-465-07172-4. Kathleen Sullivan's review: "I highly recommend Predators to any person who is responsible for the care of children - in any form or fashion. This includes agency workers and law enforcement personnel. Because Salter has interacted with pedophiles and other sexual offenders for decades, she is remarkably accurate, honest and straight-forward about their mindsets and strategies. Predators will help readers to discard endangering myths about pedophiles. It will help readers to accept essential realities that will make them more competent in safeguarding children."
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0465071724/002-3979644-2298422
?v=glance

A Profile of the Child Molester by Kenneth Woode

Pedophilia

Basic information

Beyond the basics

Why pedophiles are often successful in gaining child victims' cooperation and silence

Some of the potential effects of child sexual abuse

Some pedophiles insist that adult-child sex should be legalized, since it was legal in ancient Greece. Such individuals fail to acknowledge that the average life span for a Greek male, BC, was less than twenty years.

Pro-pedophilia websites and information

A survivor's story of sexual slavery

Neutral and anti-pedophilia websites and information

Some pedophiles insist that adult-child sex should be legalized, since it was legal
in ancient Greece. Such individuals fail to acknowledge that the average life
span for a Greek male, BC, was less than twenty years.